Salvation
by Wild Hope
Summary: Voldemort was defeated in a battle that scarred Hermione in more than one way. Living as a Muggle for 7 years, she is summoned back to Hogwarts as the new DADA Teacher as a favor to Dumbledore. Can the least likely of people teach her to forgive herself?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **This story was written after Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, thus information from books 6 and 7 are irrelevant here. Read and Review

* * *

Hermione Granger stepped on to platform 9 ¾ and pulled the hood of her cloak lower over her face. Students bustled all around her, taking her back to the past when she had been just like them. How she longed to go back to that time. She pushed her cart, weaving herself in and out of the crowd. It was noisy as the students called to friends they'd missed over the summer and parents told their children good bye. She had her belongings loaded into the baggage car and then went to find an empty compartment where she could close her eyes and try to ease the pounding headache that was beginning to develop right behind her eyes. She asked herself once again what in the bloody hell she was doing. A small voice answered that she was going home. 

Hermione found an uninhabited compartment and sat down with a long sigh. There were so many memories here. Things she rejoiced in remembering... things she never wanted to think about again. She'd met her two best friends on this very train and, if she recalled correctly, this very same compartment. She'd been helping Neville Longbottom search for his missing toad and she'd come in here where they'd been pigging out on a cart load of snacks. She allowed herself a small smile. Things had been so blissfully wonderful then. She'd just discovered her magic and been introduced to a whole new world she'd never known existed. Where dragons weren't just found in fairy tales and she could accomplish nearly anything with the wave of a wand. Being the insatiable bookworm that she was, she had hungrily devoured any book that she could find about this new world.

She heard the conductor call for all to board, the deep resonant sound of the whistle pierced the air, and the train started to pull away from the platform. She listened to the steady rhythmic sounds of the train and closed her eyes. Maybe if she took a nap now the headache would go away. Unfortunately, her mind had other ideas and instead of drifting off to sleep she drifted off into the past. 

Hermione, Harry, and Ron had foiled Voldemort's attempt to capture the sorcerer's stone and she could honestly admit that she'd liked the attention. In her ten year old mind it had made her special, made her stand out when she probably just would have been the girl that could always be found with her nose in a book. After that she would have been quite happy to never have anything to do with the Dark Lord again, but being friends with the boy-who-lived hadn't given her that luxury. Not that she would have traded her friendship with Harry for anything. When Cedric Diggory died in their fourth year she had realized that this was real, people could die, she could die and she almost had. 

At the beginning of her seventh year of Hogwarts she'd been happy, even with the threat of an attack from Voldemort looming like a great cloud over everyone. After the battle at the Ministry of Magic Voldemort had seemingly disappeared and they'd enjoyed a relatively peaceful 6th year. As peaceful as it could get at Hogwarts. There had been no attacks, no murders. She'd naively hoped that Voldemort had given up, though she hadn't been naive enough to actually believe it. There was always the possibility that he had decided to wait. To lull everyone into a sense of safety and then make his move. Maybe years, even decades, in the future. After all, what did time matter to someone who seemingly couldn't die?

The worst phase of her life had began in October of her seventh year. Their whole 6th year trips to Hogsmeade had been canceled for fear that students would be attacked. After a year of nothing happening they had been reinstated at the beginning of 7th year. Everyone had been so excited and then two days before their first trip, Death Eaters had escaped from Azkaban. Of course the trip had been put on hold and they'd all been rather bummed about it. She remembered what happened after that very clearly. It was the day of the trip and she'd been sitting by a window in the library doing a potions essay when a tremor had run through the castle. She'd thought it nothing more than a little earthquake, then Dumbledore's voice had magically sounded through out the school telling everyone to go to their common rooms immediately. It was then they learned that Hogsmeade had been virtually destroyed. From the window in the common room they'd been able to see smoke rising and the sounds of spells ripping buildings apart. When the smoke had cleared the dark mark was floating above the ruins. So many people had died, but if the trip hadn't been canceled it would have been so much worse. 

They had all feared that Hogwarts might be attacked too. That whole day they had all stayed shut up in their common rooms. Everyone wondered if it would be the day Voldemort finally struck, but an attack had never come. Cautiously some of the professors had journeyed to the ruins, bringing the injured people of Hogsmeade to Hogwarts, piling the bodies of the dead. The older students had been given tasks. Owling the family members of the victims, helping in the infirmary, making sure the patients ate, keeping them company. There had been serious talk about shutting down Hogwarts but it had been decided that Hogwarts was probably the safest place any of them could be.

Hogsmeade was just the beginning. Nearly every day after that news came that a witch or wizard had been injured or murdered. Many students lost parents or family members. Bill Weasley had narrowly survived such an attack and while Molly and Arthur Weasley had been visiting him the Burrow had been destroyed. Thankfully no one had been there to get hurt. Ron had been very lucky, no one in his family had been killed, but unfortunately she hadn't been. Not only were the Death Eaters attacking wizards but they had begun attacking muggles. She clenched her fist at the thought... her parents.

With such horrible things happening outside the safety of Hogwarts, not knowing if at that moment your parents were being tortured or killed, no one had been able to concentrate on their studies. While classes hadn't been canceled they usually just consisted of the Professors trying to keep everyones mind on pleasant things. That didn't stop them from glancing at the door, hoping Dumbledore wouldn't appear and call their name, because they all knew what that meant. She remembered the day that he had come for her.

* * *

It was just after Christmas and she was in Potions and they were making musical potions. It was obvious that Snape was displeased at making them do something so frivolous but it was impossible for most of them to concentrate on anything complicated. Hermione had just finished hers and it was playing a beautiful, haunting melody. They were all laughing as one potion sounded like a chorus of bullfrogs and another like a marching band. Seamus Finnigan was in the middle of the classroom doing an Irish jig and they were all clapping. For a moment it seemed like they had forgotten that anything bad could be waiting just around the corner. There was a knock at the door and the laughter and clapping abruptly stopped as beakers were plugged, ending the musical symphony. Snape strode to the door, cracked it open, and stood there a moment conversing in whispers with whoever was on the other side. He slowly turned around, "Class dismissed, take your potions with you." Then he turned and looked at her. "Hermione, Professor Dumbledore would like to speak with you in the hall."

And she knew. Not because Dumbledore wanted to speak with her, that was a bad sign in itself, but because Snape had called her by her first name. Her potion slipped through her fingers and landed on the floor. She heard the glass shatter and the music seemed to float up into the air where it slowly faded. The students filed out quickly. Some avoided looking at her, others gave her looks of sympathy, but she ignored them all. Soon only Ron and Harry were left. Hermione couldn't go out into the hall. She couldn't face what was waiting there for her. She stood there for what seemed like an eternity and then took one step towards the door and then another and before she knew it she had made her way out into the hall where Dumbledore was waiting. She turned to Harry and Ron and told them to leave. Ron began to protest but Harry dragged him away and she took a deep breath and faced the Headmaster.

"So they're dead then?" the words sounded cold to her ears and she wondered how she could say such words so calmly. Why she wasn't crying. Why she couldn't feel anything but a detached emptiness. He told her that their bodies had been found by the muggle authorities and after that she blocked the words out. She didn't want his condolences, didn't want his sympathy. She wasn't sure what she did want.

"If there is anything you need, you have only ask." He laid a hand on her shoulder and she looked up to see tears in his eyes. Hers were strangely dry.

"I am sorry for your loss, if you need time alone I believe the Room of Requirement is empty. Don't worry about your school work and head girl duties, they will be taken care of." She nodded and mumbled something and watched him turn and walk down the hall. He looked as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders and in many ways it had been.

She turned around and walked back into the classroom where Snape was at his desk with his head in his hands. When he heard her he looked up. 

"Miss Granger?" he asked, seemingly perplexed as to why she was in his classroom.

"I wanted to clean up this mess that I made," she said briskly, going for the bucket and scrub brush on the far side of the room usually reserved for detention punishments.

"Let me," he said softly as he pulled out his wand.

"No, I'll do it," she said firmly. She filled the bucket with hot water and a cleaning solution and went over to the remnants of her potion. She got down on her knees and picked up the pieces of glass and then she took the scrub brush and stuck it, and her hand, in the scalding hot water. When she looked down she could see that her hand was red. She resolutely put brush to floor and began to scrub away the goo that had been her potion. Scrub, scrub, scrub. She didn't stop, couldn't stop. She kept scrubbing, for some reason determined to scrub away any sign of dirt on the stone floor. Half an hour later the whole floor was clean so she started cleaning up everyone else's tables.

Snape had dismissed them so quickly that no one had time to put away their cauldron and ingredients. She went over to the sink and cleaned each cauldron and then she disposed of, or stored, the unused ingredients according to whether or not they could be used again. Then Hermione began scrubbing the tables, and that's when the tears had started to fall. It was just a few at first. They landed on the table and she wiped them away. Soon she couldn't see because they kept falling and she couldn't wipe them away fast enough. She felt a hesitant hand on her shoulder and turned to see Snape. 

Hermione collapsed against him sobbing and he held her. For once in her life she actually wanted him there. Not Harry, who would understand what it was to lose your parents. Not Ron who couldn't understand, but would try his best to comfort her. She wanted her Professor whom she hated, but who at that moment, was a kindred spirit, if only for the fact that underneath his cruel sarcasm she knew that he had to feel alone and she had never felt so alone in her entire life. She hugged him, yearning to feel someone's arms around her, someone to hold and comfort when her parents never would. He held her as everything became clear in her mind. Her parents were dead and she would never see them again. She wanted to scream until the pain in her heart went away, until she woke up from the terrible nightmare. It seemed like she cried forever but after awhile he helped her up off the floor. She hadn't even realized that they'd sat down.

Hermione tried to apologize for soaking his shoulder with her tears but he had shushed her and given her a potion that had soothed her pounding headache and her burning eyes and at last she'd been able to fall asleep.

She'd woken up in her bed the next morning and she had never found the courage to thank him, too afraid that he would come up with a harsh sarcastic comment. When she'd gone back to class he'd treated her the same as always but she's always hoped that that night she had glimpsed the real Severus Snape, the one that, buried underneath everything, had a heart.

* * *

The train abruptly came to a stop and Hermione sat up with a start. She hadn't realized how long she'd been thinking. She stood up, cloak securely pulled low, grabbed her belongings, and stepped off the train and onto the platform. Hogsmeade had been rebuilt shortly after Voldemort's defeat but she didn't think it could ever be quite live up to what it used to be. She almost expected to hear Hagrid's booming, burly, voice calling for the first years but he was no longer at Hogwarts. He was, however, the new proprietor of the Hog's Head. She would have to go visit him soon. It had been so long.

"Hermione! Is 'at you?" She turned, a rare, genuine smile on her face. So he was here after all! She wondered how she could have missed him standing there.

"Hagrid!" she yelled gleefully throwing her arms around him. She felt like she was a student again and the way his big arms swallowed her up it was impossible not to feel tiny. 

"Dumbledore said ye might be comin' on the Express so I thought I'd take a break and welcome you back," Hagrid said with a grin on his face and tears in his eyes.

"I couldn't have asked for a better welcoming. It's so good to see you! How have you been? How's Madame Maxmine?" 

"We're doin' good. Business is boomin' at the Hog's Head. Harry was by to see us just last month but he didn't say anything about ye being Hogwart's new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

Hermione's face turned a little red.

"I haven't exactly told him yet, or anyone for that matter. I'm sorry I haven't visited you." And she was sorry, she hadn't seen him since she graduated from Hogwarts and that had been over seven years ago. 

"Ah, doan worry about it, I understand. The carriages'll be leaving soon so ye better get going. Come visit soon." The kindness in his voice almost brought her to tears. How she had missed him.

"I will. I can't wait to catch up with you." 

Hermione gave him one last hug and then hurriedly walked towards the carriages that were just beginning to pull away. She hastily got into the nearest one and sat down. It was empty, but just as it was about to pull away the door opened and another passenger got in. Hermione was surprised to see that it was none other than her former Potions Professor. She looked down hoping he hadn't seen her. She didn't want to be forced to make idle chit chat and she was sure he preferred the silence also.

Being here, seeing Hogsmeade rebuilt, brought back so many memories and she wondered for the thousandth time why she had come back to a place that held so much badness for her. So much misery. A place that had permanently scarred her in so many ways.


	2. Chapter 2

Severus Snape stared out the window trying his hardest not to blatantly stare at the other occupant of the carriage. Hermione Granger, the Great Hermione Granger, returned at last from her self-imposed exile in muggledom. Dumbledore had said that she would be returning. Seven years. That was a long time for anyone to be gone and here she was picking up right where she had left off. Back at Hogwarts. That sounded rather familiar to him. Oh yes, he'd done much the same thing in his youth. He hadn't gone so far as to remove himself from magic but he had spent a long time in solitude. He knew what it was to need to be alone. Better than anyone.

There had been many rumors about Miss Granger. Some sources had reported that she had run off heartbroken when Ron Weasley had confessed his love for Luna Lovegood. Severus was sure that was far from the truth. As well as he knew Miss Granger, which admittedly was not that well, he did have the sense to know that a foolish school-girl crush would not have made her abandon all of her hopes and dreams. He had often wondered what, in reality, had happened. The details of Voldemort's fall were known by very few. Not even he had been privy to the details. The only information that was widely know was that Potter had defeated the Dark Lord, Lucius Malfoy had been found dead and Peter Pettigrew had never been seen again. Of course the only thing that really mattered was that Voldemort was dead.

Still, he wondered what she had seen. What had traumatized her so greatly. He turned his thoughts away from her. It wasn't important. He was finally free. These last several years at Hogwarts had been the best in his life. There was no more pretending or pretenses. He was free to make his own choices and be his own person. The strange thing was that not much had changed. He no longer had to try to vie for the position of the Defense Against the Dark Arts , a post he had never wanted. That was the most notable change. That, and not having to fear for his life at every passing moment. He was content to teach Potions and live out the rest of his life at Hogwarts.

He lied, he wasn't content.

Contentness would come. He just had to wait. This was what he had wanted. To live peacefully and not be bothered. There was nothing else he could want for. Still... there was something missing. After all these years he had yet to figure out what it was. A challenge perhaps? Something to keep him up late at night. He couldn't recount the number of times that he had stayed up late into the night locked in the Headmaster's study going over plans upon plans to by Potter time, to foil the Dark Lord, to advance the Order. Part of him missed that.

He heard a sound coming from Hermione. As if she was sleeping and trying to wake up.

"Miss Granger?" he said hesitantly

No answer.

"Are you all right?"

* * *

It was a night in late March when Hermione's life had been changed forever. When she had changed forever. The alarm sounded at around ten o'clock at night, and from the endless drills they all knew that Hogwarts was under attack. Gathered at the front gates was over one hundred dementors and sixty Death-Eaters. They had been preparing for an attack ever since Hogsmeade and now it was time. Life or death.

Instead of following regular class syllabuses their lessons that year had been concentrated more on defense. Nearly all six and seventh years had learned and mastered the patronus spell. Dumbledore had devised a plan weeks ago to make it seem as if students were leaving Hogwarts to go home. Some Slytherins had, but for the most part the students stayed. Voldemort believed that there were only a handful of students, the professors, and Dumbledore left inside of the castle. In reality there were nearly three hundred students and two hundred parents secreted inside of Hogwarts.

With the alarms blaring in her ears Hermione went looking for Harry and Ron only to discover that they both had disappeared. Immediately she knew that they'd gone looking for Voldemort. Voldemort wouldn't want to be directly involved in attacking the castle. The ruins of Hogsmeade would be the perfect place for him to wait it out and remain relatively safe. As far as she knew the Shrieking Shack hadn't been completely destroyed. She ran through the halls and outside to the whomping willow, knowing she'd have to hurry. She could hear the sounds of spells being cast not far away.

She had to find Ron and Harry.

There was already a stick in place to keep the trap door open and she climbed down and, with her wand out in front of her, she began to run as fast as she could. She caught up with them halfway there. Harry was trying to convince Ron to go back and when he saw her his face fell.

"Go back. Ron, take her back, I have to do this alone."

He couldn't do it alone. He needed her. He needed Ron.

"We know that you have to be the one to defeat him but it never hurt to have your friends with you. We're in this together, no matter what happens," she said. There was no way she was going to let Harry face his fate alone.

"Yeah," Ron agreed stubbornly.

Harry sighed and looked at them. "We could all die, and if I don't defeat Voldemort then he'll kill me and then he'll kill you. Hermione, think about all of the things you want to do in the future. Ron, what about your family? Your Mum? Let me go alone."

"Harry, we're going with you," Ron said. Hermione shared his fear though it remained unsaid. She was a Gryffindor and she had to have courage. They all needed courage.

"We've been together for seven years. You can't get rid of us now," she said with a small smile and he returned it.

Harry sighed knowing that there was no way he was going to get them to go back.

"I'm glad you two are with me. Let's go."

Hermione felt so much fear but at the same time there had been a kind of peace that she had made with what was going to happen. This moment had been coming for seven years and no matter what the outcome there was no going back.

Emerging from the shrieking shack they spotted Voldemort standing with Lucius Malfoy and Peter Pettigrew. They were watching what was happening by using a spell that played the scene out in front of them like a muggle television. There attention was so focused on watching the Death Eaters trying to get through the front gate of Hogwarts that it gave them time to come up with a quick plan. Hermione would use a subtle suggestion spell which would give Wormtail and Malfoy the irresistible urge to investigate the area towards the former Hog's Head. She and Ron would subdue them while Harry took on Voldemort.

Hermione remembered very little after that. Her spell had worked perfectly. She and Ron had said a quick goodbye to Harry and then they'd followed the two Death Eaters with their wands at the ready. When they had gotten far enough away Hermione disarmed Malfoy while Ron did the same to Wormtail. Just as Hermione was uttering the spell that would put Malfoy in a petrified state he threw a bottle to the ground and they were engulfed in a heavy fog. Ron found a spell that dispersed it but by that time Malfoy and Pettigrew had both retrieved their wands. That's when the battle had really begun.

It was all a blur in her mind, dodging, countering, defending. At one point Ron was knocked unconscious and they ganged up on her. She held out as long as she could but she was running out of ideas. Just as she cast a spell that would burn Malfoy's hands, hopefully making him drop the wand, Lucius cast the crucio and at the same time Pettigrew cast a flame spell. All three spells combined and then ricocheted heading straight for her. A flaming ball of pain. Just as she turned to move out of the way she felt it sear her face and then Ron pulled her out of the way and she dropped to the ground in agony. Ron was up again trying to protect her and her hand clenched her wand. From her spot on the ground she pointed it at Malfoy before she used the last of her strength to cast a final spell.

"Avada Kadava!"

There was a flash of green light, she saw Lucius collapse, and then she fell into unconsciousness.

* * *

"Are you all right?" Snape's voice pierced through her memories, through the overwhelming emotions she still felt when she thought about that night, about what she had did. Her hands were trembling and she hid them in the sleeves of her cloak lest he see them.

"I'm fine." Her voice sounded strange. Thick with sadness? Regret? She couldn't quite tell. It had taken her years to think back on that night and not fall to pieces. She had taken someone's life, in an unforgivable way, and in a sense, that night her life had been taken away as well. She had lost a part of herself that she could never get back.

Three weeks after that night she had woken up in St. Mungos, the whole left side of her face covered in bandages. The first faces she'd seen had been Ron and Harry's and though they'd both looked a little worse for wear they were whole. She hadn't been that lucky. The left side of her face had been burned in an arc from the middle of her forehead, down her cheek and to the middle of her chin. The burns were third degree and no matter what remedy was used, magical or muggle, the burns couldn't be healed. She'd been released a month later disfigured in body and spirit. There had been no punishment for her actions. No one, but a select few, knew what she had done.

But she knew.

Hermione punished herself every day for it. She wasn't sad or repentant that she had killed Lucius Malfoy. It was the fact that she had taken a human life, no matter how despicable, and ended it by using a forbidden curse. One that couldn't been countered. Despite her expansive knowledge, a plethora of spells at her fingertips, she had fought unfairly and nothing could ever make her forgive herself for that.

Dumbledore had taken her back to Hogwarts, as the school year was still not over. He gave her a room far away from everyone else, where she could be alone and she reveled in the seclusion, glad that no one could see the burn that was her punishment for being a murderer. She kept up with her studies from her self-imposed exile and allowed only Harry, Ron, Ginny and Dumbledore to visit her. She formed quite a friendship with the headmaster, they frequently stayed up late drinking tea while he told her wonderful stories. Dumbledore was a master at taking her mind off of her troubles, even if only for a little while. She had tried to cope, but in the long run things were just to painful.

By the end of the school year she had managed to find a glamour spell that hid her burns from everyone. It had been a small victory. While she was no longer visibly disfigured on the outside inside she was nothing but a twisted ball of guilt and self hatred. After graduation she ended up going back to the muggle world, cutting ties with nearly everyone and everything. Once a day she used her wand to cast the glamour and then locked it in a drawer where it stayed until she needed to cast the glamour the next day and for almost three and a half years she had lived a normal mundane life. She enrolled at a university and took regular classes. She got a small flat and a job at a library. Hermione had been so determined to be normal but the whole time she had been absolutely miserable.

She ended up dropping out of school before she had even graduated and it was then that she decided that she needed to completely wipe the slate that was her lief clean. She cut off contact with absolutely everyone, even Harry and Ron. She packed up her things and traveled around the world for the last three years. It had helped put things in perspective and it had given her time to accept what she had done. She knew that in her heart she was a witch and she couldn't deny that part of who she was.

During her travels she had began writing. So far she had published two books, one about different magical cultures around the world and the other a comparison between the muggle and magical world. Both had done amazingly well and had number one book sells for a record number of weeks. She knew it had more to do with her reputation than the actual content of her books, still, it had helped make her feel wanted. Feel a part of something. When Dumbledore had contacted her about the teaching position she had been reluctant at first until she realized that this was her chance.

Now she was a part of something.

She belonged again.


	3. Chapter 3

Hermione looked out of the window and could see Hogwarts in the distance. It was coming closer and she could make out windows and wings and towers. Rising up into the evening sky she saw Gryffindor Tower. It gave her heart a funny little ache.

She told herself that taking this job was the right thing to do. It would help out Dumbledore, who hadn't been able to find anyone to take over the position, and it would give her access to Hogwart's vast library, and time to research and study for future books. It seemed like only yesterday she had left and now seven years later she was coming back and a part of her rejoiced in the fact that she was truly going "home". She looked out the carriage window again. She felt her stomach being tied in knots. She took a deep breath and told herself that this was indeed the right decision. If she hated teaching she could leave at the end of the school year and that would be the end of it.

One more thing she could forget.

The carriage stopped and Snape stepped out of the carriage first and walked into the castle without giving her a second look. Hermione got out and stood there for a moment, looking up at the castle. It looked the same as the day she left and she felt her heart well up with so many emotions that she couldn't define them all. Most of the students had already made their way inside. Finally, Hermione walked up the stairs and through the doors. She smiled as Professor McGonagall was there to greet her.

"Miss Granger! I'm so glad you came," Professor McGonagall said warmly. Hermione almost felt like crying. It was so reminiscent of her first day there. She half expected to see Harry, Ron, and all the others standing right beside her, looking up in awe at the castle.

"It was truly an honor to be asked back here," Hermione said. She meant it with all of her heart. It was amazing to come back but to be asked back, by the Headmaster himself, made her feel as if she was really wanted. Needed. It had been such a long time since she felt those things.

"If you'll excuse me the first years should be arriving any minute now. I hope we have a chance to talk soon." Professor McGonagall patted her on the arm and then made her way down the hall. Hermione walked into the Great Hall that was already nearly full of students. The sheer sound of so many people talking at once startled her. She hadn't been around this many people since she'd graduated.

The great hall looked as amazing as ever. Hundreds of candles floated up above and the ceiling looked like the night time sky. She walked forward to the staff table, feeling like a fake, and took a seat towards the very end. Hermione took off her cloak and hung it on the back of her chair and the other Professors began to fill in. She wanted to sink down into her chair and hide, pretending that she really didn't exist.

As Hermione looked up at all of her former Professors they all seemed surprised to see her. She wondered if Dumbledore hadn't told them that she would be the new Professor. Suddenly she was plagued by a million doubts. She wasn't qualified, she hadn't done this before, hadn't even been trained. The only thing she had to call upon was tutoring Harry and Ron and that had been ages ago. The last few days she had rushed through research on teaching methods but she felt so suddenly unready.

Hermione looked around nervously, positive that at any minute someone was going to come up and tell her she was at the wrong table. She saw Snape walk into the hall, his black robes billowing behind him, as usual. He stopped when he saw her. He didn't look surprised. He didn't look anything. He walked right past her and sat at the other end in between Professor Sinistria and Professor Sprout.

"What a surprise to see you here, Miss Granger." Hermione turned to see Madame Pomfrey sit down next to her. "Welcome back to Hogwart's dear."

"Thank you Madame Pomfrey," she said uncomfortably. This was so strange. She had dreamed of Hogwarts so many times these last years and none of her dreams had even treaded this line. She felt so out of place.

"Call me Poppy. No need for such formalities. I take it you're the new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher?"

"Yes, I am."

It still confused her as to why Snape hadn't taken the position. The last few years DADA had been taught by Patricia Stimpson who decided to resign in lieu of starting a family. She hadn't yet broached the subject of Snape with Dumbledore and she made a mental note to ask. She wanted to be aware of any hostility that may or may not exist between her and the Potions Professor.

At that moment Dumbledore entered and sat in the chair at the center of the table. His eyes landed on her and he winked at her. Hermione smiled at him. She had sincerely missed him, she had missed everyone. Soon after that Professor McGonagall entered with a group of terrified looking first years. Again Hermione could picture herself, Harry, Ron, Neville, Seamus and all the others anxiously wondering what test would await them. The Sorting Hat was brought out and as it began to sing Hermione took that opportunity to study the students sitting at the tables. They were all strangers. She didn't recognize anyone. She supposed that was to be expected. Everyone who would've gone to school with her would have graduated by now. She was alone.

Hermione glanced over at the Slytherin table. The faces might have changed but the attitudes certainly hadn't. They looked just as arrogant and mean as ever. She definitely was not looking forward to her first class with them. The Sorting Hat had finished singing so Hermione turned her attention back to the group of First Years as the first name was called.

"Abra, Chalica."

A few moments passed and then Hermione clapped along with everyone else as she was sorted into Hufflepuff. The next girl was a Ravenclaw and so was the boy after her. All together there ended up being twelve new Hufflepuffs, ten Gryffindors, nine Slytherins and nine Ravenclaws. Hermione had payed special attention to those that had been sorted into her old house. There had even been a set of twins sorted into Gryffindor that reminded Hermione of the Weasley twins with their mischievous grins. She would definitely keep an ee on them.

When everyone was seated Dumbledore stood up.

"I would like to welcome you all to another year at Hogwarts. I'm sure you all must be parched from the long train ride so let us eat."

Food appeared on the tables and Hermione picked at her food while she listened to those talking around her. It had been such a long day and she just wanted it to be over with all ready. More than an hour later the plates were cleared away and there were sleepy yawns from many of the younger students. Dumbledore stood up and recited the beginning of term notices about the forbidden forest and magic in the hallways. Then he did what she had been hoping the entire night that he wouldn't.

"We also have a new addition to our staff this year as I'm sure some of you might have noticed. Professor Hermione Granger, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

If she had thought that the sorting applause had been loud it was nothing compared to the noise that followed Dumbledore's announcement. Everyone at the Gryffindor table, along with a good amount of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs stood up and applauded her.

She was mortified.

Hermione had known that everyone would know who she was. Her and her friends adventures here were legendary but she hadn't expected such a warm, or loud, welcome. She knew her face must be red with embarrassment. Finally the applause ended and the students were dismissed. She watched the Prefects leading the students away and then the Professors began to leave, some by themselves, others in small groups. Dumbledore motioned for her and she walked over to him.

"It is a great honor to have one of our brightest students back in our midst. Walk with me a ways," he said holding out his arm for her to take. They walked down a corridor and then up a flight of stairs silently.

"I am very pleased to have you back at Hogwarts, as are your former professors."

Hermione smiled, "I'm not sure about that last bit. I can't imagine Professor Snape being pleased about anything," she said wryly.

"You were one of the brightest students he has ever had. Though he would never admit it I think he enjoyed having you in his class. On any account, I hope you find what it is you are looking for, ah, here is your room," he said opening a door for her.

"Good night Professor Granger," he said with a smile and he walked away humming, leaving Hermione there to wonder what exactly he had meant by what she was looking for.

Hermione walked into her spacious apartment and shut the door behind her. Her bags were sitting neatly next to the door and as she looked around she noticed her sitting room very much resembled the Gryffindor Common Room. There was a large sofa and two chairs set in front of a roaring fireplace. She took off her shoes and sat them aside and then walked across the deep red carpet with her bags in hand. She passed a large desk with a cushioned wooden chair, sat her bags down, and opened a few of the drawers to find it fully stocked with parchment, quills and ink.

On the other side of the room there was a great oak door. She opened it and found that it led to a bedroom. There was a large, four poster, curtained bed and to her surprise and delight the walls were covered in shelves of books. She looked them over, most were books on the dark arts and how to defend against them, but there were also many on arithmancy, herbology, potions, charms, and more. Not only was she the DADA teacher but a few times a week she was also going to tutor students in the library.

With a few flicks of her wand she was unpacked and so tired she wasn't sure she could stay awake another second. She took her wand and lightly tapped it against her cheek making the glamour disappear. Keeping the spell going all day usually left her tired. Hermione undressed and slipped into a long night gown, extinguished the candles with a spell, and then climbed into bed. She lay there staring into the darkness. It felt odd to be back here. She hadn't felt at home like this in such a long time. Hogwarts wasn't the same. No Harry, no Ron, no Hagrid. Everyone was gone and here she was.

All alone.

Always alone.

Hermione reached up and touched the uneven surface of the left side of her face. She felt ridges and bumps and she pulled her hand away. She hated the feel of her skin, how hideous she felt when her fingers ran over it. No one would ever want her the way she was. What did she have to offer other than brains? Hermione yawned and closed her eyes telling herself that if she didn't get some sleep her first day was going to be a nightmare. After awhile the nightmares came as they always did.

Hermione was in the ruins of Hogsmeade and had just cast the avada kadava. Lucius Malfoy was lying on the ground and she ran to him. In her semi-conscious mind she knew that it hadn't happened. She had passed out after she had cursed him and he had been killed instantly but dream-Hermione was kneeling next to him.

He looked up at her.

He spoke.

"Voldemort had me under the Imperius. I'm sorry for all I have done. So sorry. Tell my wife I love her. Tell Draco... tell him I'm sorry." He took one last breath and died.

Dream-Hermione cried for the innocent man she had murdered. For a family that she had destroyed.

It wasn't real.

Wasn't real.


	4. Chapter 4

Severus Snape made his way to his chambers in the dungeon glad that the Start of Term Feast was finally over. He hated being stuck in the Great Hall for hours at a time. Despite appearances he was happy to be back. Hogwarts had become such a fixture in his life. It was his permanent home and he adored it. It was one of the few things in his life that he could say he really adored. He had so very little to hold onto sometimes but his career at Hogwarts was the one thing that was always there for him.

He walked into his chambers and a rare smile crossed his face. His bags were already sitting inside and he decided to wait and unpack later. He sat in the big arm chair by the fire and felt the stress from his body sink out of him. He loved this arm chair. The sorting had been uninteresting, as usual. The only sorting that stood out since he had started teaching had been Harry Potter's. Any one after that was all the same, a blur of scared, young, faces. He was looking forward to teaching them, molding their minds, helping them to become something.

Severus ran his fingers through his hair. It had been so long since he had a student worth teaching. There were some in the last few years that had been committed and studious but none that had overly impressed him. In fact, the last student that had really impressed him with their Potions work had been Hermione Granger, and she had thrown it all down the drain to run off and be a Muggle.

Now she was the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor.

He had been surprised by this. Dumbledore had sent him an owl a few weeks ago saying that she would be coming back to Hogwarts but he hadn't revealed in what capacity. While many would think that Severus held hostility towards her for taking up that position they would be wrong. He had never truly wanted to teach DADA. That had been Voldemort's wish for him. It had always been his master plan for Severus to thwart the young students in their knowledge of defensive magic so as to give him more of an advantage against them. Dumbledore had made sure that had never happened.

Severus was thankful for that. He loved Potions and he loved teaching them. It did get a little tedious year after year, teaching the same potions but his students usually kept things interesting. Mostly by making a large number of mistakes. He hoped this years students would be better than last years. He smothered a yawn, it was getting late. He walked into his bedroom, got undressed and then slipped under the blankets.

After a few moments he was sound asleep.

It was rare that he slept through out the whole night. This was the one exception. He was surprised when he woke up, looked at the clock, and discovered that there were only a few hours until class started. It took him no more than fifteen minutes to get ready and once he was dressed he went down the Great Hall for breakfast. There was Trelawny sitting at one end of the table and Granger sitting at the other end. Deciding that Granger was the lesser evil he took a seat nearer to her.

She looked like she was deep in thought and he watched her for a few moments. Her features had matured a little but she didn't look much different than she had in her last year of Hogwarts. The only thing that was really different about her was her hair and that was only because it was twisted back and not in a bushy mass around her head. In truth he was looking forward to seeing in what other ways she had changed. She had been one of his best students and he had always hoped that she would go on to do something great. He wasn't sure that teaching at Hogwarts qualified her for greatness but he was still intrigued by her.

Very intrigued.

* * *

Hermione sat up as early morning sunlight flooded her room. She ran her fingers through her hair and pushed the dream to the farthest part of her mind. She tried to forget about it but as always it lingered in her mind. Dreams like that haunted her at least a few times a week. The worst part was that she always remembered them. They always stayed with her. Lucius Malfoy was always with her.

Hermione got out of bed and took a cold shower hoping that it would make her feel better. It didn't. Nothing ever did. She avoided looking directly at herself in the mirror while she braided her hair. Once it was braided she twisted it into a bun and studied herself. Half of her face looked like something out of a horror movie. She touched the third degree burns that to this day were just as red as they had been the day that it happened. She looked hideous. She took a deep breath, grabbed her wand, and performed the spell that would make her face look normal. Like it always had. She was Hermione Granger now.

She went back into her room and got dressed in her teaching robes. Robes which were very similar to the ones that she had worn as a student, the only difference was that it had the Hogwarts crest instead of the Gryffindor one. She put on a pair of sensible shoes and then grabbed her teaching bag and headed down to the Great Hall.

Not many students were awake so early in the morning as there were still nearly two hours until classes began. She walked up to the staff table and found Professor Trelawny sitting there with her ridiculously large glasses. Wanting to be as far away from her former Divination teacher as possible Hermione decided to sit at the other end of the table. As she sat down a variety of food appeared in front of her but she opted for only a cup of coffee. She was much too nervous to eat. She pulled out a list of students that would be in her class that day and then she mentally went over the speech she was going to give at the beginning of class.

"Miss Granger?" It took her a moment to realize that she was being spoken to and she turned to see Snape sitting a few chairs away and glaring at her.

"Yes?" she asked, suddenly feeling as if she had been caught day dreaming in class.

"I asked you to pass the coffee. Obviously such a task is beyond your understanding," he said acidly. Hermione tried to keep her face from burning red with embarrassment and then a thought occurred to her, he was no longer her Professor, he couldn't give her detention, he couldn't take house points away from her. What was there to be afraid of?

"You have a wand, I trust you still know how to use it. That is if you can reduce yourself to 'foolish wand waving'," she said staring him straight in the eye. She had alluded to the first speech that she had ever heard him make about how wands really had no place in the Potion's Classroom.

She swore the corner of his mouth twitched in what was almost a smile.

"Accio coffee pot," he said pointing his wand and it floated over to him. Hermione went back to going over her speech and for the rest of breakfast she ignored her former potions professor.

Hermione walked into the classroom. Her classroom, she reminded herself. It had changed quite a bit since her last year at Hogwarts. Lupin had come back and taught their seventh year but when Sirius had been found, alive, Lupin had decided not to continue teaching. Since her graduation there had only been one other teacher so the DADA curse had apparently been broken. She was glad for that. She wasn't sure how long she planned on staying but it was nice knowing that if she wanted she might be able to stay longer than a year.

The classroom had been cleaned by house elves over the summer and was very sparsely furnished. She would have to order a few things from Diagon Alley to give it more personality. There was still an hour until she would have her first class so she sat down behind her desk and went over the itinerary for the day. Her first class was third year Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, she gave a sigh of relief. Slytherins in her first class would have been torture. She busied herself with organizing her quills and parchment and telling herself that teaching couldn't be that hard. After all she had spent seven years trying to help Harry and Ron with their studies, it couldn't be that much harder. Of course she had twenty students per class and she actually had to come up with lessons but still how hard could it be?

Ten minutes before class was to began her first student arrived. She was a Gryffindor and when she saw Hermione her face broke out in a large grin.

"I was hoping I would get here first. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind signing my copy of Magic and Muggles. It was such a great book. I've read it four times already." She handed Hermione the book and Hermione pulled out a quill and reluctantly dipped it in ink. She didn't want to be a Gilderoy Lockhart.

"I sent it to my mum and dad as soon as it came out last year. They're both muggles so it helped them understand everything loads better. They'll be so excited when they find out you're my teacher!"

Hermione watched with a wry smile as the girl sat down at a desk in the front. Five minutes later the bell had sounded and she had a class full of students that were looking expectantly at her. Hermione stood up and took a deep breath telling herself that they were just a group of thirteen year olds and there was nothing to be nervous about. She took attendance and then walked over to the chalk board and with her wand made her name appear, Professor Granger.

"Good morning and welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts. In this class you will learn how to block unfriendly spells, how to repel against dangerous creatures and how to protect yourself from, and recognize, dangerous magic. For the first few weeks we will be reviewing the basics and then we will move on to intermediate defense spells. I expect all of you to arrive to class on time, no excuses. Homework is to be turned in on time, I do not accept late work. During this class I will frequently give you be pop quizzes so I expect all of you to pay close attention and at the end of each section there will be an exam. Extra credit will be given periodically and I will always be here or in the library a few hours after your last classes so feel free to stop by if you need help on you assignments. I expect you all to follow the rules and behave yourselves. Any questions?" Immediately nearly every hand flew up into the air and Hermione wondered what they had to ask, she hadn't thought that she'd left anything out.

"Yes, Mr Jinkles," she said indicating a short, stout Hufflepuff boy.

"I was wondering if I could have Ron Weasley's autograph, he's one of the best Keepers the Chudley Canons have had in ages."

"I'm sure if you owl him with your request he will consider it," she said trying very hard to suppress a smile. Ron would be delighted if he knew what a celebrity he was. She turned to the next student.

"Is it really true that you got the highest N.E.W.T.s score in over a century?"

"Yes it is. Miss Mugwort, you have a question?"

"Were you really petrified? What was it like to be petrified?"

"When I was a third year I was petrified and it was just like sleeping for a very long time." Hermione realized that her chances of getting them to actually do any work today were very slim.

"Did you ever get married to Harry Potter?" this question came from a Gryffindor boy.  
Hermione had to stop herself from laughing outloud

"What ever gave you that idea?"

"There were pictures in the Quibbler."

"I assure that I have never been married, to anyone." While she tried to be light-hearted about it that declaration made her sad inside for some reason. Not only had she never been married, she'd never been in a relationship, not since Viktor Krum, and that had been ages ago.

She could see that it was pointless to start any lessons as they were all much to interested in learning about her so she gave in and gave them their get to know Hermione Granger time.


	5. Chapter 5

Hermione Granger walked into her room, threw herself down on the small sofa, and let out a huge sigh. It had been a long day and all she wanted to do was take a nap and rest her sore throat and her aching head. To be frank, her students had worn her out. Hermione couldn't remember the last time that she had talked so much. Question after question after question. The lot of them were ruthless. She closed her eyes and started rubbing her temples. It had been more stressful than she had anticipated.

Hermione had thought that her students would come in, she would greet them, and then they'd pull out their books and start taking notes. Unfortunately they had wanted to know about her personal life. At first the questions had been easy. Things about her life at Hogwarts, before her seventh year, before she became damaged. Then, when she'd began to have classes with the sixth and seventh years they'd asked more invasive questions. What had she done after she had graduated? What was her role in the Battle of Hogwarts? These were questions that she never wanted to think about. She didn't want to discuss it.

She wanted her personal life to remain personal.

She should've known being back at Hogwarts wasn't the way to do that. Yet here she was, doing it anyway. It was really only because she didn't have a place anywhere else. The Muggle World had seemed empty to her. She had no connections except for distant relatives that she never saw. No childhood friends, no schoolmates, she had entered the Muggle world alone and that's how she had left it. It had been extremely easy to sever the ties, as there hadn't been any.

Now, she was back where she belonged, but also missing seven years of connections, of relationships, of advancement. Hermione tried not to torture herself with what could've been. Still, it was impossible not to think about. If she had been stronger and dealt with her guilt over _his_ death then perhaps she could've been something. She might have married, perhaps Ron, but there was no chance for that now. He had moved on and she supposed she had too. She could still remember the painful conversation she'd had with him right before she had left to go to the University. Somewhere, even now, she had a box full of letters that he had sent her. The letters had stopped coming years ago.

It was for the best.

Hermione heard a knock at the door and sighed. With a groan she got up and stretched. Her muscles were tired of standing all day and wanted to go back to the luxury of lounging. She was debating upon skipping dinner in the Great Hall and holing herself up here alone for the rest of the night. Solitude was something that she was desperately craving. She walked to the door and opened it to find a most unexpected visitor. Severus Snape.

Hermione looked up at him and then down at the tray that he was carrying. There was a large teapot and then two empty tea cups sitting upon it.

"I come bearing gifts," he said dryly.

Hermione opened the door wider and then moved out of the way so that he could come inside. He walked in and then sat the tray on the long coffee table in front of the fireplace and then he made himself at home in one of her armchairs. Feeling as if she had no other option other than to join him, Hermione took a seat on the sofa. They were silent for a few moments. Hermione was wondering if there was a polite way to ask him to leave so that she could get a little nap before she had to come up with a more comprehensive syllabus for her class. She didn't like feeling so un-organized.

The decision to teach had been a rather impulsive one and she wanted to have a better strategy. Today had been an absolute disaster, although she comforted herself by acknowledging that it _was_ the first day of school so she hadn't failed yet. She turned her thoughts back to Snape and why he was sitting in her sitting room.

"It is customary for a new Professor to be formerly greeted and welcomed by his or her former Head of House," he said as way of explanation.

"But I wasn't in Slytherin," Hermione pointed out. She still was still trying to find an appropriate way to excuse herself from this meeting, tradition or not.

"Thank you for allowing me to get to that," Snape said, and Hermione sensed a bit of annoyance. She actually enjoyed it. It was nice to be on the same level as him, equals for once. In essence she could say whatever she wanted with no fear of punishment. That thought was quite liberating.

"McGonagall would be here but for the fact that a group of Gryffindor, despicable lot, decided that they ought to attempt to blow up their Common Room." As he talked he poured the tea into the two cups and handed her one. Deciding that she wasn't going to be getting out of this little meeting easily, she took the cup.

The tea was delicious. It tasted the faintest bit of mint but there were also hints of fruits and other things that she couldn't identify. It was steaming hot and Hermione savored the way that it soothed her throat.

"There's an infusion of herbs that should help with your throat and head."

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Hermione as she finished the rest of the tea. It just seemed like a bad idea to admit any sort of weakness to him. Although it was making her throat feel better already.

"Hmm. How was your first day? I ask you this because I'm obligated to, not because I particularly want to know."

"It was lovely," she said before she could even think of something substantial to say. Lovely, yes that was a wonderful adjective to use. It was a complete and absolute lie of course. She had a feeling that he was already well aware of that. Hermione was trying to keep herself from feeling humiliated.

"It must be nice to have all of your students fawning all over you like you're a national hero. But you are aren't you? Hermione Granger, savior to the magical world. Do you know that there's a statue of you and your friends in the Ministry of Magic now?"

Hermione actually was _not_ aware of that. The idea of there being a statue of her was quite daunting. She didn't want to be a hero, she never felt like one. She had done something abominable, she stood for something that wasn't good, something that wasn't admirable and here she was being admired by all. She was nothing but a cheat.

"I didn't know that, but thank you for pointing it out to me." Hermione suddenly felt tears spring to her eyes from out of nowhere. Why did he have to inspire these feelings from her? The rush of guilt, of shame, of all of the other emotions that still, seven years later, she couldn't let go of no matter how hard she tried. She wanted to let go, but she couldn't.

* * *

Severus looked over at her and felt bad for inciting such a negative reaction out of her. He wasn't completely sure what it was that made him treat her the way that he did. It was just an automatic reaction that he couldn't control. In all honesty he had pin pointed the reaction that had lately been the cause of the way he treated her.

It was bitterness, and if he was being honest, a little bit of jealousy.

He was bitter over the fact that she was a hero and that she had run away from it. He had spent over half of his life working to defeat Voldemort. Seventeen long years of a desolate life all for the greater good, to make up for his sins. Her and her friends had been herald as heroes. What recognition did he get?

Severus couldn't say that he had ever really expected great fame once Voldemort was defeated but he had always expected _something_. His whole life had been nothing but a countdown to that moment. That one glorious moment of Voldemort's death and his freedom. He had lived so long for that moment. After Voldemort's death he had always imagined that there would be a great sense of freedom. Instead he had felt nothing.

His life was exactly the same. Nothing had changed. He still holed himself up in the castle, teaching, being miserable, being the same person that he'd been for almost two decades and no one really noticed. What had his contribution mattered in comparison with what Granger and her friends had done? There would never be any statue for him.

She, on the other hand had every thing laid at her feet. She was famous, she and her friends had their own national day of recognition. Had she not have left to go play Muggle, she could've had nearly any position in the Ministry that she desired. Yet, she had thrown it all away like it meant nothing.

It would've meant everything to him.

Severus pushed those feelings aside and then looked over at her. She seemed to have composed herself and she no longer looked like she was on the verge of tears. He wondered if she was regretting the fact that she hadn't stayed, or maybe she was simply that touched by the statue. He didn't know. He couldn't even really bring himself to care.

Severus poured himself another cup of the tea and then slowly sipped it. He had at least another fifteen minutes to spend down here talking to her. Dumbledore wouldn't be satisfied with anything less. He had heard all about her first class, it had been the talk of the day. Professor Granger said this or explained that. It was worse among the younger students but they all had talked about her.

Nearly ten minutes had passed in absolute silence and he hoped that it would stay that way. Between the two of them they'd gone through two pots of tea, thankfully the pot automatically refilled itself when needed. It was just easy to sit there and pretend to be preoccupied with drinking.

"Why do you do it?" Came the question from out of nowhere. He looked at her wondering what she meant. Why did he do what?

"What?"

"Why do you teach? You never seemed to like it. Never seemed to like us. As I understood it you were only teaching in the first place because Voldemort wanted you to. So why do you do it? Why stay."

Severus considered the question and the possible answers that could go with it. He could lie, and that was appealing, but what lie would she believe? Because secretly, deep down inside he loved it? It was his life's passion? He was sure that she wouldn't believe any of that.

"Simply because I have nothing better to do." With that he stood up and excused himself. He was done sharing for the day. He almost felt like he should be comforted by the fact that she was teaching as well. Obviously she hadn't lead a life of splendor. He and Dumbledore had talked briefly about her when he had insisted that he come and bring her tea. Dumbledore had walked with him from the Dungeons all the way to her room, Severus was sure just to make sure that he didn't shrug her off.

On the way to her room Dumbledore told him about how she had gone to a Muggle university and then dropped out and spent the rest of her time traveling aimlessly. Severus had to admit that he felt slightly vindicated for her lack of success. Weasley was probably the most popular Quidditch Player in the world and Potter had made it to the Head of the Auror Department when he was just twenty-one. They were all successful. Potter had a family, married Weasley's sister, and Weasley, well, he had no lack of women.

Yet here she was single, overwhelmed by her students, and with absolutely no idea what she was doing. At least he wasn't alone in that respect. He walked down to his Dungeons intent on grading his student's quizzes. All of the second to seventh years had been given a quiz on what they should remember from the previous years. He had to admit that he was looking forward to the snide comments he would get to give the majority of his students.

At least he had something to do.

* * *

Thanks for reading, please review. I'm sorry that you've had to wait so long for an update, I had writer's block, as far as this story was concerned, but I think I've found a good direction. Have a wonderful day and a fantastic weekend.


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